the good fight

Life doesn't wave as it's speeding by
Better grab on fast and hold on tight
And don't ever forget to fight this good fight
And here I am.

This is my favorite verse in a song written by Mary Chapin Carpenter and i was listening to it today coming home from the Penitas clinic. Listening and thinking about how there is so much going on in the world, in my life, in everyones' lives. Then my brother called me back and he is in a very bad place again, telling me it's his time. Right now, he doesn't see a life that is worth fighting for nor does he have the energy to fight. So, I told him it wasn't fair that life had to be so hard, and i knew it was even harder for him. I told him to tell someone else how he is feeling, someone who is there, not hundreds of miles away, like me. "You have your music, your boys, your Gillian, and I love you," that's what i told him. Because sometimes we can't fight the good fight, can we? Sometimes we have to let someone else fight it for us.

loves of my life

this is sophie. she is a fixture of energy, hope and joy in my life. my husband and i had dinner last night with our best friends. They are also a permanent reminder to me of the essence of growing old(er)--knowing people in a way that transcends petty distancing emotions. And there are my daughters, who can do no wrong, as they are my flesh and blood, so when they might do wrong, i know it's all in the name of my being wrong, probably a twisted perception, and they motivate me to change my perceptions to be more accepting. And that brings me to him, the one i love to blame sometimes for my unhappiness probably because he is the closest one to blame. but i know the only one to blame such things on is me. his name means happy for a reason. and all of this clarity of the essence of family and friends brings me back to sophie. her name means wisdom, perhaps the female god. she encircles our lives with the memory of a God still here, not in conventional ways of church and bible study and prayer groups but in all of these loves of my life.